23 Oktober 2010

One saturday night

Dear readers, how are you?

You know, I do realize that writing can take time. As I knew that making reports and filing them are no easy tasks as they take so many time. I knew that writing needs patience as much as the number of readers reading this. I want you to know that I've been trying to get you into my mind through these posts.

This saturday night, as usual, I don't mind staying at home because the last thing I want to do is being outside with lots of people having their saturday night pleasing themselves by going to the shopping malls, cinemas, hang out places, karaokes, and many more. I don't really confident being in a mass group of people. So I chose to stay at home, having dinner with my parents, and of course, practicing with my posts. I don't enjoy TV shows too much as well, so I choose to listen to David Foster's "Love Lights the world" album to accompany me writing my posts. I want to know how good it is. And there is also a radio programme delivered in english. In the early days, I always listen to it because I am relieved that we have someone who broadcast this kind of programme. But these days, I have been neglecting them because I don't think I can get excitement in listening to it anymore. I felt bored (though I hate to say it) by their programme, lack of enthusiasm, unclear positioning (which leads to unclear messages they deliver) and their lack of influence or even their main reason of their existence; to accompany their audiences. Just like a teacher whose student are leaving him one by one because the teacher cannot get them to talk.

I have been feeling these kind of thing since I was a junior high student. I have been trying to share my enthusiasm in english. I have been trying to make them feel that english is as easy as I feel. I want to convince them that understanding english is an advantage for them. I want people to feel confident in deliverin their speech, regardless of their english skill. I always failed to consistenly accompanying them in english. I am ready, wherever whenever, someone wants to practise their english with me. I don't care who they are, as long as they want to get my correction everytime they make mistake so that they can improve themselves. But in many times, those who wanted to practice english with me began to withdraw from practicing bit by bit.

Do I dream too big? Do I want too much? Was I too harsh in giving corrections? Am I overwhelming?

I have been searching and questioning these question so many times in my life. I hope I can get a chance where I can get the answer.

This hope will never cease. It is just that bitterness has been consuming it by time..

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