This morning, i went to see my granddad's cemetery. It's the green one among others. Placed in such a dense 'population' of cemetery, I managed to get there by carefully passing through each cemetery. When I got there, it’s already been cleaned up and poured with flowers. They smelled nice. Apparently, a member of the family came not very long before me. So I cleaned up the tiny dust and made a pray.
There are things to remember about this granddad. He was an ex-soldier who wasn’t purposed for battle. As my mother told me, he did the errands for his commander. He drove his commander to the office, drove his commander’s wife to the grocery store, took their kids to school, and many other errands he did. When he got into pension period, he continued his life by doing small-scale civil works; repairing roof, fixing electricity networks, even helping in building my parents’ house. He could fix TVs, radios, motorcycle, and even he drove a local transportation car (angkot). As if there is nothing else he couldn’t do.
He had 6 children. He lived poorly but happily. He struggled to give his kids the best education he can. He wanted to do so to make his kids have a better than his. Well, he managed to get his kids to senior high level; one of them got a diploma. Now, his kids are now grown up and having their own family.
As much as I know, he had no idea in giving up. In the age of 60s, he can do things as if he was only 40 or 50. I’m not saying that he was a workaholic, but all he did, he did it sincerely to help people and for his kids.
I had quite a few memories about him. When I went to school from elementary to senior high, sometimes he pick me up to school if my dad was assigned to another city. Sometimes, he came to our house just to have a chat and brought me and my brother nasi goreng. He gave us advices in unique and cheerful ways. He gave me a long one just before getting into college. As I recalled, he never got mad at us, but he did have mad to my other cousins. He loved us in many ways.
One that I remember the most is when he was ill deeply, it was in 2004. During lebaran, he stayed in my house for awhile, just to get better rest than his house. I didn’t think that that was my last time seeing him. Just when I was ready to depart for college after Lebaran vacation, he suddenly cried like a little child. I tried to cheer him up by saying that I believe I can see him next year. I hug him, confident that he would be okay. I left him to get to the airport. In the next few days, I got news that he passed away. I was speechless. There was a regret that I had in my heart. I regret that I didn’t spend time to show my love and respect to him. I regret that I didn’t give him enough time to say goodbye. I can picture his cry back then until now.
Now, I felt those regret as useless thing to feel. I may regret it until now but not as big as I had a few years ago. That is why I want to move on and showing love to parents and grandparents better than before. I want to be prepared to lose someone dear to heart when their time comes.
These writing come in mind every time I go there. I think that what ziarah is for.